Owning a Rolls-Royce isn’t as luxurious as it seems

Owning a Rolls-Royce isn't as luxurious as it seems
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A luxury roll in time

Now I’m reading recurring stories about Rolls-Royce being “on the way”.

Okay, but when the family silverware came largely from the Vending Machine, I actually expressed my excitement at owning a car on Day One. Rolls Royce. Up until Day 10—in the Coney Island Times, which was the only thing I could scribble on at the time—I reported the total experience.

The car my husband bought? He died quickly. A wheeze, a cough – and straight to Rolls-Royce heaven. Second biggest day? He stopped on a six-lane highway and Fords, Chevrolets, Volkswagens approached shouting “Find a horse!”

Our salesman was so English that King Charles next to him sounded like a southerner, “Just a little adjustment, Moddom,” he said. After a little adjustment for a month, my husband went back in. The ignition is off, there is no one around and the rear windows move by themselves. Both way signals worked at the same time. And the light from the vanity mirror on the right of the back lit up the mahogany table on the left.

It was also sprayed from the air conditioner heating unit in January. “A little tweak, Moddom,” leaked the seller, probably still has my Coney Island Times review somewhere in his safe.

The car had 99 probes, it wasn’t me

Right on a country road, late at night, with no other cars around, this Silver Shadow victory went up to 8 miles by gallon. In a little falling city traffic. “You don’t buy a Rolls for the sake of economy,” muttered the dealer, “if the pound hadn’t depreciated, we wouldn’t even be doing business with the likes of you.”

At noon, on 57th Street and Madison, there was a crowd around this white dream car – with license plate JA4. The photos were taken. The title was above. Smoke came out of the engine. I got on the first thing that moved—a bus going uptown—and my destination was downtown.

Rolls Royce
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow victory reached 5 miles by gallon.
Getty Images/Corbis

Then a brake pad problem and a reheat situation. Also the radio stopped, the rear license plate holder fell off, the trunk locked and the car stalled. IN TRAFFIC. But it’s so stylish that even when he couldn’t move, we the owners proudly leaned against him and called a taxi.

They say the only thing that makes noise in a Rolls is the clock. Yes. Unless you count the owner crying.

We didn’t realize that ours is probably one of the earliest Silver Shadow designs, and maybe even a used shop model. Anyway. Truth be told, even the excitement of owning an asthmatic Rolls is hard to die.

Judy’s jokes

FEATURED Judge Judy’s harsh British press blast If you missed:

Prince Harry William writes “stretched” from Meghan’s first hug. A selfish, spoiled, ungrateful, insincere grandchild who bites the hand that feeds him. I would be very angry and hurt if my child or grandchild did the same to me.”

Prince HarryMeghan Markle
Prince Harry’s latest book is causing more drama for the royal family.
Getty Images/Kirsty O’Connor

Divorced Me-Me-Meghan dumped her father, scolded her ex-best friend, fought with everyone, just looked at making money and being famous, and will eventually spend bodily fluids on Prince Empty like her entire birthplace.

His name is everywhere except toilet paper. sat down. . . Lets . . . only . . to wait.

Meghan’s piggy bank will soon learn that money can’t buy happiness. What it gains you is a wealthier class of estranged relatives.

UK only children, UK only.

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